The Day Today

Main News Attack

Features reports on Prince Charles volunteering to go to prison, the London Jam Festival, bullying in the Church of England, medieval alternative medicine, and a sheepdog piloting an out of control helicopter. Also features Barbara Wintergreen's report on the Elvis styled execution of American serial killer Chapman Baxter, and Alan Partridge covering the Tour de France and Boxing.

The Big Report

Features reports on the Junior Minister for health resigning, Marlon Brando being sold at auction in Sotheby's, illegal back street dentists, and Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan reporting on the new European trade quota rates. Also features The Pool, a documentary set in a public swimming pool, a segment from RokTV, and Alan Partridge covering the horse racing at Marple.

Meganews

Features reports on an infestation of wild horses in the London underground, the BBC's new soap opera The Bureau (replacing the Nine O'Clock News), a fight between Queen Elizabeth and John Major, and an air jam. Also features Barbara Wintergreen's report on Chapman Baxter being executed via marriage, a continuation of The Pool, and Alan Partridge interviewing soccer players and a female show jumper.

Stretchcast

Features reports on suspicions that British police officers are eating their suspects, Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan interviewing the government minister for ships regarding recent accusations, the IRA's use of explosives hidden in dogs, the immense popularity of The Bureau in Italy, the Home Office releasing the Sorted videos aimed at young people, and near-death experiences. Also features Barbara Wintergreen reporting on the natus (a method of prosthetic pregnancy), and Alan Partridge's Countdown to World Cup '94.

Magnifevent

Features reports on the British Pound being stolen, the plummeting ratings of The Bureau, the clamping of the homeless in London, a reminiscence of events in 1944, government ministers contracting a disease that inhibits reading, and the trade agreement and subsequent war between Australia and Hong Kong. Also features Barbara Wintergreen reporting on Chapman Baxter being executed by the reanimated corpse of his last victim, and Alan Partridge riding with a female rally driver.

Newsatrolysis a.k.a. Factgasm

Features reports on Buckingham Palace culling 40 members of staff, passengers stuck on a train in Hampshire, Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan reporting on General Motors making 35000 workers redundant, Colin Poppshed reporting from the gay desk, the decline of the NHS, and a roundup of international news. Also features a documentury set at the office of a pharmaceutical company, and Alan Partridge covering self-defence.